Bear Hunting, Revisited

We have noticed a strong correlation between the ripeness of avocados and the amount of bear activity around the ranch. A couple weeks ago, we started seeing lots of traffic around one particular trail, so motivation was high to work a bear hunt into the next fogless evening.

The perfect evening presented itself last night, so we loaded up the Jeep and headed out. I jumped out to open the gate when we got to it, but then stopped for several moments trying to figure out what was wrong with it. I finally pieced together that a bicyclist had punched through one end of it before I unlocked it and we moved on.

We were about 45 seconds down the road before I realized I had a problem. Apparently, I had chosen to stand directly over a red ant nest while I played CSI, and they had just found their way up my boots and into my socks.

As they began biting, I started shrieking, quickly ripping off my boots… and socks… then pants.

After initially being quite startled, Dave was now laughing so hard that he was finding it difficult to drive, all the while cracking jokes at my expense.

By the time we arrived at the trailhead, the drama was over. While I was determined not to waste a perfectly beautiful night, I was also not so keen to put back on my ant-infested clothes. So I gamely shook out my boots and threw them back on, grabbed my binoculars, and walked out onto the ridge to scout the orchards below.

And instantly Dave coined the new phrase “bare hunting.” Of course, he was the only one lucky enough to see anything of interest.

Water Is Highly Overrated

   When the owners bought the ranch back in the 70’s, they trenched in a water system using PVC pipe that traverses a good 100 acres of the property. Over the years, lines were added or capped as projects and buildings appeared and disappeared.

   So we inherited the job of maintaining a maze of 40-year-old plastic pipe with no map of where the pipes actually lay. When we first moved in, the system wasn’t working at all, and our first order of business was to sink a new well pump and repair all the breaks.

   As a newcomer to ranch life, this was obviously not my area of expertise, but Dave was keen to start my education right away, recognizing I’d be on my own a lot.

   Which is, of course, how it’s worked out. EVERY TIME a waterline breaks, Dave’s away at work. And considering the age of the system and the randomness of its placement, it happens more than you’d think.

   When the water tanks are full, a break has the potential for a 10,000 gallon water loss, so the goal is to catch it quickly and get the tank valves shut off. This entails a half-mile run up the mountain. Then it’s a mile run from there down the mountain to the well site to shut off the pump, wait for the pipes to drain, dry, dig up the break site, and repair the pipe.

   Fairly laborious, but straightforward, right?

   Riight…

   The first time it happened, the ground at the break site was so impacted we had to call in a tractor to dig it up, and by then Dave was home to deal with it.

   The second time, it took me three days just to locate the break. I got all the parts together and worked with Dave via phone to make sure I did the repair correctly. I have to admit to being fairly proud of myself when it all held together and we were back on line.

   Until an hour later.

   The break was at an abandoned project site, and was just a capped pipe. The water pressure against the new cap was just too much and it blew right off.

   Quick! Run to the tanks, then to the well, let the pipes drain, dry, and try again.

   Dave’s advice this time was to drive a stake in front of the cap to help work against the water pressure, and wait twice as long for the cement to dry before turning the water back on.

   Okay… seems… to… be… holding… NOOO!

   Run to the tank, now to the well, etc., etc.

   This time he counseled me to go to town and buy industrial strength cement, and wait overnight for it to set. Done!

   Phew!

   So by the time this latest episode rolled around, I felt like a pro. With plenty of experience under my belt, there was no break I couldn’t handle.

   Famous last words.

   This break was the main line to the barn, and it butted right up to a cement footing supporting a six by six beam. Attached to the beam was the electrical box for the whole ranch system, and buried directly over the broken pipe was a buried Edison box.

   Are you kidding me? Who’s brain wave was this?!

   I spent all morning digging out the cement footing, expecting to be electrocuted at any moment. It’s summertime, I’m sweaty, getting devoured by bugs, and you remember the mud, right? Thick, viscous, cement that sticks to everything. Because of all the wires and conduit pipes, I spent a lot of time on my knees or belly, digging cautiously by hand.

   Can you picture how pretty I’m looking about now?

   It was at this point that I started thinking that water is highly overrated.

   But I finally uncovered the pipe, and determined there was about a four inch window in which to make the repair. Now, for the parts.

   Because of another restructuring on the ranch, our tool shed was gone, and despite an hour-long search, I couldn’t find a hacksaw or the pipe cement anywhere.

   Sigh…

   The only thing I had going for me was that this was a slow leak, so I could still turn on the tanks long enough to take a shower before heading to town for parts.

   Just as I was getting ready to leave, the cavalry appeared. I think Dave recognized the desperation in my voice and called a neighbor, who showed up with a power saw and cement to finish the project for me.

   Can’t wait to see what the water gremlins throw at me next…